This question came up at the HVN Anniversary Conference in Manchester two weeks ago (thank you to Paul Baker and John Robinson for their inspiring thoughts!).
It’s something that I’ve been asking myself since a university degree gave me the identity of a “psychologist”. What does it mean to me to have that identity? I am still not sure so I’ll try to put some ideas into words.

When I started to work I thought I needed to know “everything”, be the well-balanced and competent professional. What I realized quite quickly though was that I didn’t really have a clue and that I didn’t really dare to share this with many of my colleagues because they seemed so confident and clear with their professional roles.

It still surprises me how a lot of them apparently know so well what is good for their clients, decide on “diagnoses”, and are so easily capable of keeping their “professional distance”...
I somehow feel like I don’t fit there. I keep finding myself helpless when confronted with my clients` problems and that I am just not able to detach myself from their emotions. Also, I often feel more solidarity with them than with my colleagues, for example when it comes to the issue of “reintegration into society”: I don’t believe in a lot of the values of this society myself, so I really don’t want to tell anyone that they have to find a job and submit to neoliberal virtues to be a happy person. On the contrary, I quite like the idea of non-compliance (even though I do try to respect the people who decide to live an “adapted” life, which I don’t always find an easy thing to do…).

It took me many years to realize (or rather to admit to myself?) that I actually had quite an abusive and traumatic upbringing myself and that I have also coped in “dysfunctional” or “self-harming” ways. And I feel lucky to not have had to rely on psychiatric services for help….

Finding these things out about myself (and being a client myself) has greatly helped me to understand my distrust in so-called “professional neutrality”.
I think that because I remember my own pain and fear and also my often very happy “out-of-my-head-states-of-mind” quite well, it is impossible for me to not feel with the people who tell me their stories.

What I believe is my responsibility as an “expert by profession” is that while working with my clients, their needs and issues are at the center of my focus. That everything I do or say is in the service of their concerns.
I think that this is how I would actually define my role, as someone who is there and listens and offers a trustful and safe relationship in order to look together at whatever comes up. That is an ideal picture of course… and I am not very sure how good I am at it… projecting my own stuff onto other people just happens so quickly….

Now, thank goodness there are communities like the hearing voices movement! There are actually more “experts by training” around who have similar identity problems! What a relief and pleasure. And there are “experts by experience” who tell me they appreciate my uncertainties and doubts and fears. This kind of support is just what I needed and helps me to be more self confident with how I look at these things. And I do believe that it is a good thing for us “experts by training” to also become experts of our own struggles – and experts in de-training ourselves back to compassionate human beings.

Caroline

Reply by Paul Baker