How I tamed the voices in my head, The Independent, 06/03/2007
When Eleanor Longden began hearing things, she soon found herself drugged, sectioned and labelled schizophrenic. Then a psychiatrist taught her how to talk back
By Kate Hilpern
Published: The Independent, 06 March 2007
Eleanor Longden, 25, started hearing voices when she was a teenager. But, contrary to the usual perception of inner voices, Longden says hers weren't destructive: "It was rather mundane, simply giving me a narration of some of the day-to-day things I was doing. In many ways, the voice was companionate because it was reminding me that I was carrying on with my responsibilities despite feeling so sad inside. There was something constructive about it."
People like Longden who admit to hearing inner voices can generally expect two outcomes: a diagnosis of insanity, and potent medication. But a group of psychiatrists and psychologists believe it's time we reconsidered labels such as schizophrenia and the drugs used as treatment. In fact, they believe we should get people to listen to, and actually engage with, the voices inside their heads.
Longden believes her biggest mistake was in telling a friend she was at university with about her experiences. "I explained that the voices were actually quite positive, but she was horrified and insisted I see a psychiatrist, who ignored my unhappiness and homed in on the voice, assuming it meant I had no sense of normality. For example, I was quite involved with the university television station, and the psychiatrist stated in her notes that I had delusions of being a broadcaster. The second time I saw her, she suggested that I admit myself to hospital for three days for tests."
Three days turned into three months, during which time Longden was told that if she left, she'd be sectioned and forced back. The drugs she was coerced into taking did little except cause weight gain, and the terrifying label of schizophrenia she was given was, Longden believes, directly responsible for the arrival of 12 very hostile inner voices.
Like most multiple-voice hearers, Longden says one voice was dominant. "He was demonic, and had a visual manifestation of a huge grotesque figure swathed in black. His threats were graphic and violent. The other voices, which were less clear, would back him up."
As if this wasn't enough, back at university Longden found herself the victim of a bullying campaign. "People had heard about where I'd been and within a week, my door in the halls of residence had been defaced, and I was spat at. I started to self-harm. The worst instance was in the student bar when a group of people asked me to stub a cigarette out on my forearm. When I did it, they cheered."
Longden became suicidal and was sectioned. After seven weeks back in hospital, she went to stay with her parents in Bradford, where she continued to self-harm and her voices were louder than ever. Her psychiatrist told her it would almost have been better if she'd had cancer because it would be easier to cure.
Finally, the breakthrough came. "Everyone had treated me with this total lack of hope, and as completely passive. But then I was put in touch with a psychiatrist who asked me what I thought would help me. When I said I felt I could deal with the voices better when my mind was clear, he supported me to reduce the medication. Better still, he suggested that I engage with the voices because they probably had a symbolic meaning that might help me recover."
Longden began to recognise her voices as a representation of unconscious feelings of self-loathing. This helped her to fear them less. "If they were metaphorical, it stood to reason they couldn't have any control in the external world," she says.
The psychiatrist encouraged her to talk back to them. "I began to question them, and their replies gave me great insight into my subconscious feelings - enormously helpful in my therapy - and then I started negotiating with them. Sometimes I'd say to the dominant one, 'I'll only talk to you after EastEnders,' and he'd agree!"
Three years on, Longden is off medication. She says she's happy, and is studying for a doctorate in clinical psychology. Although her voices sometimes return, she feels in complete control of them. "I see them as useful - almost like a stress barometer. My mum's clue to feeling stressed is a migraine; mine is the voices."
Dr Rufus May, a clinical psychologist, says the aim of getting people to connect with their voices is to enable them to incorporate them into their daily lives so they are not distressing. "Voices themselves are not a problem; it's people's relationship with them that's important. So, rather than voices being something that we should avoid at all costs - the traditional psychiatric view - we should be trying to get people to face them, understand them and work with them."
May says negative voices can be turned into a positive experience. "If a voice is telling someone to kill themselves, that could be signifying rage. So the voice-hearer could say, 'Thanks for flagging this up. I'm not going to take you literally, but you've shown me there are things I need to change about me.'"
He even talks to his patients' voices himself. "I ask the person to tell me verbatim what each voice is saying. I'll ask questions such as, 'How long have you been in Mary's life?" and 'Why did you come along?' Sometimes, they'll tell me something about the person they themselves are unaware of. After all, we're dealing with the subconscious here."
May recalls one man, Edward, whose voice told him to build a time machine. "I asked this voice - via Edward - why. It transpired that Edward felt responsible for his brother's death and wanted to go back and change it. We were able to address that and Edward began to realise he wasn't responsible."
Such responses may even be life-saving opportunities. May cites the case of John Barrett who, having walked out of a secure hospital unit, stabbed a retired banker in 2004 after hearing voices in his head. "It seems to me that people didn't work meaningfully with his voices. He'd had a violent childhood, so his voice could have represented his father."
May is now involved in training mental health professionals in helping people who hear voices. "Conventional training goes deep, but it helps that I have a high profile," he says. In fact, he doesn't advocate that all voice-hearers take this route. "But if you catch people early, or other approaches haven't worked, it can work very well."
Some professionals - such as Richard Bentall, professor of experimental clinical psychology at Manchester University - go further, stating that medications should be avoided wherever possible. "They have high costs in terms of side-effects, some life-threatening. Antipsychotic drugs, in particular, can produce stiffness, tremors, involuntary movements, massive weight gain and increased risk of heart attacks and diabetes," he says.
What's more, research estimates that about half of patients given drugs don't get an adequate therapeutic response. "Add to this the fact that they are given a label like schizophrenia - which has no scientific meaning, and is deeply stigmatising - and it's little wonder that voice-hearers are given such little hope. The bottom line is that we need to stop trying to cure people, and liberate them instead."
Professor Marius Romme, a psychiatrist, adds that many inner voices can be unthreatening and even positive. "They may try to comfort, congratulate, guide or reassure. It's wrong to turn this into a shameful problem that people either feel they have to deny or to take medication to suppress."
Romme's work was instrumental in the formation of the Hearing Voices Network, an education and self-help registered charity for voice-hearers. Jacqui Dillon, who chairs the network, says:"We call inner voices - or indeed visions - messengers, because they give strong signals into people's mindsets."
The network has a growing professional following, Dillon says. "We get a lot of referrals from psychiatrists nowadays, although there's still a long way to go."
Talking heads
* Studies have found that between four and 10 per cent of Britons hear voices.
* Between 70 and 90 cent of people who hear voices do so following traumatic events.
* Voices can be male, female, without gender, child, adult, human or non-human.
* People may hear one voice or many. Some people report hearing hundreds, although in almost all reported cases, one dominates above the others.
* Voices can be experienced in the head, in the ears, outside the head, in some other part of the body, or in the environment.
* Voices often reflect important aspects of the hearer's emotional state - emotions that are often unexpressed by the hearer.
* The "hearing voices movement" has spread across the world. There are groups in countries as far afield as Australia, Finland, Japan and Palestine.
* Well-known voice hearers include Plato, Sigmund Freud, Beethoven, Byron, Charles Dickens, Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath, Isaac Newton and Winston Churchill.
Comments
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This article is very interesting and explores concepts that I was not aware of until I recently attended a hearing voices workshop held by Arana Pearson of Keepwell NZ. My son has recently been diagnosed with Schizophrenia (18) and my aim is to learn as much as possible to help my son to get on with his life. He is on medication, but the voices have not gone away, however they are not as clear. We do not know if the voices will come back as before and if so what might trigger this. Knowledge and other coping techniques give us confidence and tools to manage this. Also some control which is extremely important. A year ago, when my son had his first pyschosis, it would have been helpful for someone to have disucssed this in more detail. I have had to research on my own for ways to understand and help my son. kind regards Tracey
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What should I do then if I hear voices that are not clear? They sound like they are off in the distance, but right next to me and I can't understand them. Also, how can I tell which one is dominat? The voices I hear fight with each other from time to time. They can't agree some things. Lastly, how do I break the code? Please e-mail me back. I can't go to doctors or anything like that. They just don't understand. Yall sound like you can help. please I ask you to e-mail me back so I can stop them.
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Hello - I first experienced voices at the age of 29 (3 years ago)- a dramatic change in someone you would have thought was "safe". I'm a believer in communication with Spirit and I also try to connect with my voices and say things like "don't talk to me while I'm driving". I also take medication and frankly if I hadn't I probably wouldn't be here today. While medication has caused a not insubstational weight gain it eased the voices and has allowed me to function "normally" in society. I work full time, I socialise, travel and am generally a responsible member of society. Gradually the dose of medication I take has been reduced and one day I hope to be off it completely - but I'm trying not rushing it. If you also hear voices I would love to hear from you and share experiences.
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I'm so glad to read here that normal people like myself have over come this not so normal problem. I started hearing voices as young as twelve, which was about six years ago, and they continue to date. Mostly it's an eternal monologue, a girl that narrates my every move. Other times it's this obnoxious man with an exaggerated 'gay' lisp who finds it interesting to make annoying remarks about my life and activities, or a man who sounds like those announcers at the movie theaters talking about what I ought to be doing, or what I've done. And of course there's the five other "me's", a bunch of other girls with my voice but different peronalities, all arguing over how I should make my decissions. I'm afraid to bring this up with my doctor, since it doesn't really affect my life outside of my head. At any rate, I'm not sure where I'm trying to go with this. I feel better having told someone though, even if it is a bunch of anonymous internet goers. Oh well, no worries. ~_^
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You all sound as though you would like to be able to discuss everything in more depth. Maybe you should join the forum? see the front page of this site.
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My son first told me he heard talking when he was about 8. I freaked out!!. Thank god for the internet, because the only comforting information was like this, and the Romme and Escher theory. We saw a pyschologiest who helped him communicate with the voices and I helped him become the 'boss' of them. They went away but reemerged 6 months later during a period of anxiety, but only lasted momentarily. My son has just had them re emerge again. Same situation ie. anxiety. He cant understand what it says to him, he says its too fast and the words are jumbled up. I asked him to tell them to slow down, and when he did they went away. He's only 10. I am petrifed of what his future holds. I am trying so hard to be strong and understanding and helpful, but I'm not coping at all within myself. He is otherwise well, with some mild adhd but very intelligent, sensitive, etc. Thank god for a site like this!! I hope I can work out how to join the forum because I NEED support too so I can support him.
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I first started hearing voices in my head almost four years ago. I am 25 now. When i started taking the medication they got worse because they werent annoying me at first but now they are.
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the voices i hear are all distant but its clear they hate me and make me feel constantly miserable. I feel either hated or at least disliked wherever i go like people cant wait to see the back of me and then they chatter about every tiny thing i did wrong at any point in the day. I feel constantly watched everywhere i go and just cant help but attract a universal contempt, this is the way people instinctively react to me. In an office where i worked 5 years ago i overheard the people putting together a petition to get rid of me, when i moved office i had to put up with people making deliberate remarks around me describing what i was doing or saying that i smelled bad, then 2 years ago what was happening at work started to happen where i live and i could hear the neighbours talking about me and passing negative remarks. i am treated like a pariah and this will always continue. these people genuinely hate me and have got a real taste for it like they want to keep me down at every opportunity. Its interesting - one of my earliest childhood memories is of an epileptic girl stood in the playground with seemingly the entire school circled around her chanting that she had to learn to control her fits and i stood on the sidelines observing this sick nature inherant in people which i have experienced myself. i could never be part of the bullying majority but it brings them together doesnt it, gives them a common interest. people love to act like the baying mob, maybe its something primevil. ive had enough
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Hey i'm only 15 and i'd just like to say a few things about whats been going around my life and how i've grown up liveing with it ..My voice is pritty much ruling over my life, if it wasn't for my girlfriend i wouldn't be here today. My voice mad me think there was nothing left in life and that i should end it insted of cousing myself more pain. I'm usaly pritty happy now, spending most of my spare time with my girlfriend.. But yet my voice is still trying to convince me that my life is a lie, that my girlfirend is realy cheeting on me with my mate.. Looking at this site is helping me regain controll over it. I used to think that it was in my jeans to have a voice like this becouse all my family have it. My pa, always playing the computer so it distracts his voice. My nana puts all her thoughts into cleaning and work. My mum is the worst, she totaly brakes down.. i've seen her crying countless times... She also makes alot of bad boyfriend choices becouse her voice makes her think she dosn't desserve better. we've moved 7 or more times becouse of it. My little sister, shes only 8.. she hasn't realy had much bad contact with ehr voice yet, but i rly hate looking into her eyes when it is. Thank you so much Kirin.. for keeping me here today.
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This is completely new for me, my daughter has been hearing voices for about a year, she did not showed any serious sings until recently; it all started as a brief and short comments of the sort "I think someone's calling me", which I tried to diminished in the belief that it will only make her more suceptible to a what should have been no other than her imegination. Then a few weeks ago she started to worry about some people from her past, to whom she was very affectionate but neither get to know very well nor we know very much about her nowadays; and started to wonder what could have been of her. Then her scores went wrong, she's usually serious about his class and works; but now she assures that her voice let her down when she wants to study. Her voices has also been mean and she's become worried about her, the voice might be saying that she will suffer (she would be brought to her knees in pain); now I see her visibly affected, no dumb looks but she's usually very worried about her looks (she's only 14 on Dec 2008) , and it's really strange for me to see her ruffled or untidy. My worst fear is that she has waited for a year before now it's indeed very noticeable that something causes her fear; I guess she did not want us to feel the same. She's on early treatment, and I hope we won't get her to a physchiatrist. I probably need to say that she's had a boy friend, and that he's a very deep sort of person, he has no trace of someone very close to him, and do not talk about this relationship., otherwise he seems to be a intelligent young person (17) but probably he's a bit laconic and people knows him as a poet. Not sure if that adds some useful information. Thanks for letting me explain myself, I hope it will go well in the end; now I'm awaiting for probably not good notice soon.
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Hello, I have a mom that started hearing voices in her 30's and now she's 57. It has been a very tough road for her, and our family, seeing our mom go through this everyday. She says the voices are loud and say awful things to her, never nice things. She says they rape her while shes laying in bed, she hears them in the tv, radio she thinks there in the attic under the house you name it. My dad works swing shifts, so when moms home alone, she gets even more parnoid, and hears them alot worse. The only peace she gets is when shes sound asleep or when she's with loved ones. Even then, the voices are still there but not as loud. She's been seeing a mental health dr. for years. Moms taking alot of different medications for voices and for side effects, she also gets a shot a risperdol every 2 weeks and I believe the combination of all the meds is giving her tremors. The dr. says there treating her for schiz.i wish we really knew what road to take to help her get a better diagnosis. I dont think she needs to be on so much meds but, how do you know? Its like she never feels good and the meds make her sleep all the time even have been on them for so long she still hears them. My brother and I are both married now and always worry about her and my dads 57 he has always been the provider in the family. I know it puts a strain on him also. All I want is for my mom to not be depressed and enjoy life and to find the right help and anwsers to why this is happening in her mind. If anyone knows what i can do PLEASE let me know.
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im scared and frightened of moving on i want to change so much me controlling the voices instead of them controlling me when the voices come with the paranioa it affects every relationshio i have i have a lovely husband and children who have support very much but dont understand my voices my paranioa but why should they it affects everything there relationship with friends after school clubs my husband going out to have a life outside our relationship and friends i feel so guilty all of the time the dominate voice in my self is ugly and destructive and full of rage and i m not in control all i want is to be able to control them to be able to live without fear and destruction in my life my children can have a normal life with the friends and learn new things for me ro go on a do a degree and learn not to be horrible to people and feel rejected all of the time i feel so ashamed and do want to feel ashamed any more my family embarrased to what i say i not good with relationships push peolpe away be horrilbe to them and then the circle goes round and round and im alone again i dont want to be depressed i want to be a women who has dreams and assperations for myself and my family to look in the mirror and say i love you your and ok person here is to go forward thatnkyou foor your voices and your strenghts rearing your stories
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please can you put me in touch with this doctor i am despereate,i have a 14yr old daughter who has changes so much she is moody,and totally not herself,she hears crowds of voices in her head which are driving her mad,she also sees visions of ladies with no faces,i am so worried as she has tried to kill herself twice as she cant cope,she is under doctors etc and they tried antideppresent medication which did nothing,no one seems to take this serious and i am scared of one day losing my daughter please please help.
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june or anybody intrested here in intervoice theres a site called A HIDDEN DEMONS: PEARSONAL ACCOUNT OF HEARING VOICES by Ben Gray in this room you will find many stories including mine and we respond to your questions ive been hearing the voices over 10 years so its nothing new for me i tried taking meds before but couldnt handle the side efects but the voices are only nioze if you hear peaple talking about you its probable just the voices number 1 you got to stop letting peaple bother you no one is anybetter .i got saved i realy got better at handling the voices when i got saved no one can tell i hear them but anyway find this site and save it in your browser we can comunicate there so many stories there be strong GOD BLESS
