Connecting People and Ideas in the Hearing Voices Movement

Alba’s Story

The same story seen from the medical point of view:

If I tell this story to a psychiatrist (a narrow minded one) I would certainly get a diagnosis of schizophrenia or similar and get a lots of medications to get rid of my voices.

The same story: if you consider trauma as connected with the experience of hearing voices

With my patients, I see that it is almost always possible to see a close connection between their experience of hearing voices, what the voices tell them and the traumas that occurred in their life. In this sense I must say I can well be put into this category too. I had without a doubt a very hard childhood and for sure experienced psychological and physical trauma. I was born 3 months premature, spent my first year of life in a hospital and many more in and out of hospitals with health problems.

My mother had had a very bad childhood and became very depressed and an alcoholic. She would become very violent when she drank and both physically but above all psychologically abused me and my sister. She also tried to sexually abuse me when I was 14 (in the sense that she tried to touch me and had a very morbid attitude and interest in my personal sexual behavior. I don’t remember anything at all of my life before the age of nine. So I suppose some kind of trauma also occurred before that age. My sister remembers an uncle who tried to abuse of her sexually in the sense that she remembers him mostly touching her under her skirt and touching me too while pretending to be “the good uncle”. I don’t remember anything about that, it may be, but as I said my mind goes blank if I tried to remember who I was, what I did or what they did to me before the age of nine.

My father, a very intelligent and calm man, loved my mother a lot, but was not able to protect us from her. He would assist in the violence we were subjected to without defending us; he actually would be very sorry for us, but in the end would just come to us and ask us to forgive mommy and say to her we were sorry even if we were right, because she was sick.

I saw my mother destroying herself and her life every day for years. She used to be lively and intelligent but by the time I was 10 she had ended up for months and months, closed up lying on a bed drinking , arguing and watching TV, suffering a lot and for the years that followed, up to her death, she kept telling us we were the reason for her unhappiness She told us she was unhappy because we did not obey her or because we wished to go out and be independent or because she had to looked after us and sacrificed herself for us, instead of doing something for herself, and so on.

In the final years I had managed to have a better relationship with her, being married and having moved out of her house and in control of my life, but at that point I became the mother and she became the daughter, calling me everyday for support. Of course I loved her and hated her at the same time. She died a year after Andrea died and in some respect I started becoming free from this point in my life.

I forgave her, I believe, for what she had done to me, but it took me years and years to do it. She was very nasty to us, but certainly she did not realize all the pain she was causing us. She did not know how to get her life back and probably she had a lot of anger towards herself too, that she could not accept and threw it out on to us. These were times when depression and being an alcoholic was kept as a private problem and not spoken about to other people.

Profile of my voices

So yes, I had traumas and yes I ended up somehow hearing voices.

How many voices?

Mainly the one of my beloved Andrea plus the one I call my spiritual guide’s voice (Quintin).

I know there are another two voices (Guido and Patricia), I can talk to them if I wish to, but I generally don’t because they told me that they are next to me, to help me when I practice natural healing (when I do it I do it more or less like Barbara Brennand does it – I don’t know if you know her – she is a doctor /physic who became a natural healer and has a school in USA where she teaches people how to get in touch with spiritual guides in order to heal people).

Are they male or female?

Andrea is a male voice, the same as he had when he was alive. My spiritual guide has a male voice and his name is Quintin, the other two are male and female. They never command, never impose their will on me, they mostly help my think about things from a very positive point of view and support me most of the time. They pray with me if I asked them to, to help people who are in difficult situations. Andreas’ voice is not only a voice. he has a special way of making me feel his presence, a sweet warm feeling around me and he knows how to make me feel in what part of the room he is. Sometimes I also felt his “touch” under my chin, something he also used to do when he was alive.

Have I ever had bad voices?

Not really, only once I happened to receive some insults. I told Andrea (who was alive at that time) and asked for help and I got rid of it. Another time, (right at the beginning of my strange experiences) I was in the underground and heard many, many voices which were trying to talk to me all together. They were not nasty, they were like excited that they had found someone who could hear them and asked me to refer the things they were telling me to some people in the underground. Some of them I managed to understand, they were willing to have some relatives that were there in the underground to be reassured about the fact they were fine and alive in “heaven”. But I did not like all that mess of voices, it was confusing, even if they were gentle. ]

Andrea suggested me to ask them gently (in the name of God) to leave me in peace and that the only entities I wanted to talk to were my three spiritual guides. If they were good souls, as he thought, they would just respect my wshes and go away. I did so and they never bothered me anymore.

If they insist, despite your wishes – he said – and ask you to do things you don’t want to do, they are probably souls of a “lower spiritual level” who have not yet understood the nature of God: if this situation occurs, he suggested I had to pray with the help of my spiritual guides and I would protect myself from them. I did it and it worked.

I never had problems anymore with “bad voices” since then. And that was almost 12 years ago. I now talk to Andrea when I wish, it could be every 3/6 months or once a week if I’m going through a very difficult time. His father and his mother also have learned to talk to their son Andrea telepathically. His friend Nadia (his school mate at high school ) does it too. His friend Gabriella does it too. Some other people hear him too.

Andrea’s fine, he has a lot to do “up there” so I don’t bother him that often. I have a lot to do down here too.

So that’s my story believe it or not.

  • You can see me as a voice hearer who has voices because of traumas
  • You can see me as a schizophrenic
  • You can see me as a girl with a lot of imagination

Maybe traumas allow a person to use some other senses that generally people don’t use, but have. Maybe I will find out one day that Andrea’s voice or my spiritual guide’s voices are just part of my deepest spiritual inner side I don’t know about. The fact is, they are not a problem for me, in fact just the opposite.

I see myself as a very lucky person who has had the possibility to meet a very special young man and special soul who taught me through his example of life that God’s love exists and that I can learn a lot in this difficult and fascinating journey that life is.

For personal reasons, Alba is a nick name

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