Supporting Friends & Family

Whilst this is a very common question, it is one of the hardest to answer. There are many different reasons someone could begin to hear voices – including physical, psychological and spiritual explanations. For example, some people hear or see things as part of temporal lobe epilepsy. Sometimes voices can be triggered by a head injury or neurological problem. Some people hear or see things in connection with their spiritual lives. Some hear them after a stressful or traumatic period in their lives. Some connect their voices with a mental health issue (e.g. depression, PTSD, anorexia, OCD or psychosis). Some people view them as a part of human diversity.

Causation can be multi-layered. Many different factors can be at play at the same time.

For many, the question why someone is hearing voices is less generative than the question of what is making them so difficult to live with and how can people live their lives whether they continue to hear voices, or not.

There is no single answer to this question. Whilst many people live alongside the voices they hear in peace (and may find them a useful or meaningful part of their lives), many also struggle to cope. This can be for many different reasons, including:

The voices/visions: content (the things they say or show), identity (who the voices/visions seem to be), intensity (how loud or frequent they are) and how much energy is expended in dealing with them.

Others’ responses: Sometimes it’s not so much the voices themselves that is the problem, but the way others respond to them (or how the voice-hearer fears the others will respond). This can lead to people isolating themselves or ‘wearing a mask’ to hide and important part of their lives.

Context: If someone is in a work/home/study/social context where they are being bullied, demeaned, marginalised and/or excluded, this can make it harder not to listen to critical voices (and leave the voice-hearer feeling depleted). Sometimes people find aspects of the environment can be problematic – e.g. sensory overload from being in crowded and loud spaces and harsh lighting. Some people find their voices get louder or more challenging in certain situations – physical, relational or emotional.

Emotions: If someone is struggling with part of their history and/or emotional life (e.g. feelings of anger, shame, grief, powerlessness etc) this can be reflected in the voices someone hears and, equally, make it harder to respond to them. Voices can, for some people, poke very sore spots.

These are just some possibilities – there are many more. Sometimes, if a person works out what might be making the voices so unmanageable they can find strategies that help ameliorate that.

Many people, at least at first, find it difficult to know where to start when talking with a friend or relative about the voices they hear. Whilst every person and relationship is different, it may help if you begin by asking your loved one if they’d like to talk with you (or whether it’s OK for you to ask a question). Consent is crucial in these conversations.

The following guidance and resources may be useful.

Listen to voice-hearers talk about talking about voices: https://understandingvoices.com/living-with-voices/talking-about-voices/

Suggestions for supporters who want to talk about voices with a loved one: https://understandingvoices.com/living-with-voices/talking-about-voices/suggestions-for-supporters/

Believing Me Is Crucial: An article on responding to someone who hears voices in the Metro (a UK newspaper) https://metro.co.uk/2018/05/20/believing-me-is-crucial-how-to-talk-to-somebody-who-is-hearing-voices-7487842