Introduction
This section provides information about the the relationship between hearing voices and bereavement & grief as well as examining the importance belief can play in peoples interpretation and acceptance of the experience. Out thanks goes to INTERVOICE member, Adrienne for reseaching and compiling this information.
Hearing voices, bereavement and grief
To hear the voice of, and/or see the person who has recently died is commonly experienced and research has confirmed this (see research section below), counselling and healthcare sites make reference to the phenomenon, as can be seen from these extracts:
1. Extract from fact sheet on Grief from Magellan Health Services site
“Some people … have the sensation of seeing or hearing the dead person. This reaction is a normal defensive mechanism employed to keep people around longer.
People may begin to worry about their own mental health when they “hallucinate” or cannot concentrate because they continue to think of the loss. It helps to know that others go through similar fears and panic before they leave this phase of the grieving process. ”
2. Extract from Cambridge University Counselling Service fact sheet on “Bereavement”
“Preoccupation. You might be so preoccupied with thoughts of the dead person that you imagine seeing or hearing her/him. (You are not going mad – this is quite common!)
Bereavement, voices, visions and beliefs
The connection between peoples belief´s and the feeling of a continuing connection with the person who has died is also commonly reported and is seen by some religions, cultures and individuals as evidence of life after death.
The excerpts below, come from the site of a psychic investigator, who seeks evidence that there is life after death, his site is called the Grief And Belief Connection
Here are some excerpts
“First, my friend, Kelly, lost her husband, Rick, at the age of 35 when a truck hit his car. He had pulled over on the highway to answer his cell phone, ironically for safety’s sake. He left Kelly and two children under the age of five. After the funeral and burial, I saw Kelly at the restaurant. She came at me like a wave, embracing me like she had been eager to speak with me all day.
“Bob, you have no idea,” Kelly began with a peaceful glimmer, “I am so grateful for the reading I had with that psychic medium a month ago. It has helped me get through this, knowing that Rick is still here, that he is all right. I talk to him and he has given me strength to get through this,” she acknowledged.”
” A few months later my other sister-in-law, Jen, lost her grandmother. Nana was possibly her closest friend and mentor. At the funeral, Jen shared with me that she still talks with Nana all the time—because of what she learned through my work. She knows Nana is still with her. Jen told me she is glad Nana had the opportunity to read my book and attend an event I gave with five psychic mediums. Jen believes these things helped Nana with her passing.”
The After Death Communication site also has some interesting articles on the topic of hearing and seeing a deceased loved one, as follows:
InfoBeat, May 1, 2001
NEW YORK (AP) – Paul McCartney, who lost his wife Linda to breast cancer in 1998, says he’s comforted by thoughts that her spirit lives on. “After Linda died, I think all of us in the family would hear noises or see things and think ‘That’s Linda; that’s mom…’ And I think in some ways, it’s very comforting to think she’s still here,” McCartney told ABC’s “Good Morning America” Monday.
McCartney said he has been compelled to write poetry since her death, including a poem called “Her Spirit,” in which Linda’s spirit visits him in the woods, in the form of a white squirrel. “You don’t know if it’s true. But it’s a great thought. And it’s an uplifting thought. So I allow myself to go there,” McCartney said.
and here is one from the Vatican, by John Hooper, London Observer Service
ROME – One of the most authoritative spokesmen of the Roman Catholic Church has raised eyebrows among the faithful by declaring that the Church believes in the feasibility of communication with the dead.
The Rev. Gino Concetti, chief theological commentator for the Vatican newspaper, L’Osservatore Romano, denied he was signaling any change in approach. But he agreed that his remarks might come as a jolt to many believers.
He said the Church remained opposed to the raising of spirits, but added: “Communication is possible between those who live on this earth and those who live in a state of eternal repose, in heaven or purgatory. It may even be that God lets our loved ones send us messages to guide us at certain moments in our life.”
His comments were first made in support of an American theologian, the Rev. John Neuhaus. Neuhaus had described how a friend had seen a ghost. He said there were various explanations, but “the important thing is not to deny such things a priority.”
Concetti said the key to the Church’s attitude was the Roman Catholic belief in a “Communion of Saints,” which included Christians on earth as well as those in the after-life. “Where there is communion, there is communication,” he said.
Concetti suggested dead relatives could be responsible for prompting impulses and triggering inspiration – and even for “sensory manifestations,” such as appearances in dreams.
Concetti said the new Catholic catechism specifically endorsed the view that the dead could intercede on earth and quotes the dying St. Dominic telling his brothers: “Do not weep, for I shall be more useful to you after my death and I shall help you then more effectively than during my life.”
even Dr Phil has something to say on it
“The truth is that over 60% of the population reports that they have felt some connection, some communication, with someone that has passed on. And as results-based and empirical as I am, I have to say I’m among that 60%, but it certainly wasn’t through a psychic.”
Research
The hallucinations of widowhood by Dewi Rees W.: British Medical Journal,. 1971 Oct 2; 4 (5778): 37-41
Rees (1971) conducted a study of 293 widowed people living in a particular area of mid-Wales. He found that 14% of those interviewed reported having had a visual hallucination of their deceased spouse, 13.3% an auditory one and 2.7% a tactile one. These categories overlapped to some extent as some people reported a hallucinatory experience in more than one modality. Of interest in light of the previous heading was the fact that 46.7% of the sample reported experiencing the presence of the deceased spouse.
The hallucinations of widowhood by Olson PR, Suddeth JA, Peterson PJ, Egelhoff C.: J Am Geriatr Soc. 1985 Aug;33(8):543-7
Widowed residents of two nursing homes who were oriented to person, time, and place were interviewed to determine the extent to which they had hallucinatory experiences of their deceased spouse. Fifty-two interviews were completed with 46 widows and six widowers. Results are reported for the widows. Twenty-eight (61%) of the widows reported hallucinatory experiences of their deceased spouse. Twenty-four (86%) of the widows described the experiences as good or helpful. Thirteen (46%) reported that the experiences continue to happen. Nineteen (54%) of the widows had never discussed the experiences with anyone before this study. These results are surprisingly similar to previously published findings by Rees in Wales and suggest that these experiences are more common in the United States than has been recognized.
I frequently hear voices after a person I know dies. Sometimes without my knowing that they have passed. And no voices after they are buried or cremated. For instance a man who had been married to a cousin of mine, (she died about 8 months before he did) (I had made it possible for the two to talk on the phone a few months before she died) he died on a Wednesday and I began to hear a voice over my shoulder and had no clue to who it might be. Late Thursday evening, I was looking at pictures with a friend, ( I turned to expect someone standing behind me), because I heard in a laughing voice “…that is funny”. I turned back to my friend and ask “Did you hear that?” Early Friday morning I learned he had passed on Wednesday. He was buried on Saturday, and as usual I haven’t heard any voices since.
you have no ides what you are talking about. it doesnt always play out like youre saying.sometimes people from the past or people you ndont even know talk to people,it sometimes has nothing to do with the passing of a loved one. quotes from whatever you have is misleading at best. if people are asking you a question about talking to dead people, dont give them bs quotes for and answer.
I just googled this thought maybe i was under stress who knows….I had lost my dad 3 years ago, Back in september, i had my guallbladder removed, right before i came out of the anistetic I reber having an out of body experiance talking with my dad to the right of me all i remeber was he told me it was time to go back and i woke up, after i got home i was rushed back to the er were they kept me in recovery for 4 days. Months had past like 9 months it was hurting were i had the surgry, it had bothered me for some time, but i was having hose sharp pains and was tossing and turning just trying to rest i heard my dad say Amanda it scared me and i went straight to the hospital, they think i have a bile stone. again months have past today would have been his birthday, im filled with sadness. I have always believed you die you go to heaven are hell. I struggle with my faith at times an blame it on the devil. idk what to think but i know it was my dad whom said my name.-Sorry not wearing my glasses
I have had experiences that I have no explaination for and want to be able to fine tune these things to get a better grip on what is really going on. I will not go into specifics at this time as I wonder if these things are real or what. I know I am not going crazy but there is a sense of frustration and fear that I am feeling because I know things aropund me that I feel are real but have yet found a way to prove it to my self or better put I know something is going to happen like death but can’t pinpoint who it will be or who will loose a loved one but the feeling is there and someone dies within a week or less and someone I am around is effected. It is hard to explain! I also get vibes off of people really easy almost like being able to read there mind but not that deep. CAN ANYBODY HELP ME DO SOMETHING POSITIVE WITH THIS?
Hi Phil – it’s ok, it can be a positive experience if you allow it to be. Don’t worry about proof. Just take it for what it is – information. Use it to prepare to support someone, and let the rest of it go. Death is part of life – it’s sad, but you don’t have to stop it. You’re lucky if you have the ability to be a bit more informed than the rest of us.
CJ
I am neither a religious nor a ‘spiritual’ person, but I’ve had experiences over the past three years that convince me that souls have powers of communication of which we remain unaware.
During a hospice deathwatch for my mother, I was sitting up at 1:45 in the morning, tending to her with morphine droplets every 15 minutes or so. She had been completely unresponsive for over two days. Watching the Australian open tennis match, I heard a young woman’s voice clearly an concisely say my name in a non-theatening and even peaceful manner. Somewhat puzzled, I got up and looked down the hall, thinking, perhaps, my brother’s wife had walked down the hall, but this wasn’t the case. Sitting back in my chair for a few minutes I heard the voice again, just as clearly as before. The hair stood up on the back of my neck. I quickly got up and went to my 92-year old mother’s bedside. She was still breathing, but she seemed a bit cold. I pulled the blankets up around her and patted them down. I went back to the TV. Less than five minutes later, my brother appeared at my side, having just woken for his 2 a.m. shift, telling me that our mother was dead. There is no question in my mind d that the voice I heard was that of my mother, as a younger woman, getting my attention to say goodbye.
About 4 days ago, my uncle passed away on a hospice deathwatch. We were quite close. Early on the final morning his daughter told me she was going to see him early owing to a call from the hospice nurses. I told her I would arrive a short while later. While taking a shower I heard a distinctly audible groaning man’s voice. I was so struck by this that I open the shower stall and looked at the clock. Thinking I was over reacting, I drove off to see my uncle. I arrived at the hospital to see my cousin sitting by her father, now deceased. I told my cousin about hearing a man’s voice. She asked me at what time. It turns out that, to the minute, it was exactly the time e she had taken her father’s hand — four minutes later he stopped breathing.
I never hear voices, nor do I imagine things. These two incidents, as well as some long past involving a girlfriend, convince me that communications between people can occur in ways that we don’t yet understand. As a scientist myself, my view is that intimate people exchange subatomic particles that, ultimately, are capable of allowing communication that appears to transcend normally understood or accepted physical laws.
It is as real as anything I’ve ever experienced.
I might add that these voices have nothing to do with bereavement, as I never hear them before or after the person’s death, but rather at the minutes immediately preceding death.
It’s a long story but i’ll tried to make it short. It’s been about 8 years now since my younger bro sue passed away. One evening I was over at my parents house, my bro said to me (can I sleep over tonight?) I said to him, well I’ve got work tomorrow and I don’t have the time to take you to register for a new school. So I left home that night. But I didn’t know him and pap had argument before I went over that’s why he was asking to sleep over but I refused him. But if they would of told me I would say ok if that’s the case. He also had a lots of stress about his girlfriend who is pregnant by the age of 13 and his 14 at this time do to my parents won’t let them get married do to young age. But our people do get marriage at that age as a matter a fact more then 50% marriage of that age, my married when she was 13 it’s our way of life. So I didn’t understand why they won’t let them get married especially when she’s pregnant. So he have a lot of mixed up issues in his time. The following morning around 8 or 9 my dad called me, he said OMG HE’S DEAD HE’S DEAD Sue’s dead the first thing in my head was omg somebody killed him. When I got there it wasn’t what I’ve expected no body killed him he hang himself in the closet. He’s brain is shut down nothing works. They kept his heart going by using one of the machine hoping his brain would come back. Doc told us even if by a miracle and he wakes up he will not know anything because the brain won’t be the same anymore. Doc also said its up to us to decide we can waited another day or two it won’t make any difference. So the elders decided to wait tell 12 am befor unplugging the machine. nothing no sighns of any kind, by 12am they unplugged the machine everyone cried out loud just watching and hoping he’ll wake up. Now this is the part that shocks me and my parents and so what you call it miracle. Yes he died and he died at exactly 12am Wednesday. I don’t know why or what so ever reason I didn’t have my phone with me the time the incident happened all the way tell he died. After we came home I took my phone from where I put in my house. Get in the car with my wife I start driving but don’t rember where we’re going. She took the phone she opened it and listent to the voice massages. As soon as she listen to the massage she looks at me in a shock way and throw me the phone as I was driving. I picked it up pressed play but befor it plays the massagess the voice operator always remind you of the date and times of the massage receives right. New massage Wednesday 12am, it says ( jay please help me jay please help me) sounds like in a way that someone was chocking and you’re struggle to get some air out and speak at the same time. And it was his voice and I know it’s his voice but my family didn’t want to agreed with me when they heard the massage they said someone is playing trick on me and they force me to delete it and don’t let anyone els listen to it so I deleted it. I think of this everyday for 8 years and even now. So first time I refused to help him second I failed to help him and only end up with a massage, would it of been a different way if I had my phone with me, could I really helped him. He desperately needs my help and I just turn him down. I think of this everyday and telling myself it’s my fault. Can anyone please tell me what should I do. Thanks for your time.
I use to call jay I just change my name when I got my citizenship.
I’ve been experiencing similar things lately. Happened last Wednesday and today. I hear my deceased brother’s voice on the answering machine and all he says is his old cell number. When this happens, I get an actual phone call ringing and I let it go to voice mail. That’s when I hear his voice sometimes. Sometimes his voice is heard just before the telemarketer/ recorded message starts speaking. The call back number is always to some organization to donate to, or from a free trip scam. I’m not sure what to make of any of this.
My name Felicia,i lost my husband 6 years ago to a collapsed building at his working place.So ever since then life has not be unfair to me and my only son.A friend of his advice to find a diviner to that i can speak to him at least for once.I thought that it was not possible for someone to speak with dead people.He persuaded me to do it,so i searched on the internet so i found people testifying on how Doctor Jefferson has helped them to speak to their dead ones.I contacted him and guess what i finally spoke to my husband,and my son also spoke to him.I am very happy and thanks to doctor Jefferson.
I lost my uncle June 24the 2012 …he was only two months older than me so we were more like brother and sister. I am the only family member that did a reception for the friends. No family bothered to help me in any kind of way…alot has happened in my life since the love. For the last month I have seen and heard him numerous times… I thought that it was just me but two of my best friends have heard him breathing into the phone,he has waved at my best friend from a picture I have of him hanging on my wall..I have seen him wwalking down the road. He visits me nightly in my sleep…i recently went out of town to clear my head and the day i got back home all the positive energy i had reclaimed out of town waa sucked right back out of me…i know i am grieving and have held it in for to long…i just dont understand why someone I was so close to is trying to drive me crazier than I already feel. To say the least over the paSt three weeks I have tried to commit suicide. I am today going for a assement with a psychiatrist to try to figure out where to go from here….just wanted to know if anyone elseas been through this and what can I do to make him let me move on…and the whole time i was writing this he was messing with me through my phone like he doesnt want me to get better or get advice…what to do very confused!!!
I had a very close female friend for 40 years. She considered me her best friend and she was my best friend. She had what is known as a silent heart attack. She thought it was indigestion/GERD, but things went down hill as the week progressed. Finally her sister (a nurse) took her to the hospital, and she was immediately admitted into the cardiac intensive care unit and later transferred to a high tech big city hospital in Ohio. I spent the night in the intensive care facility with her, but was forced to leave during morning restrictive hours. I needed sleep desperately and found my way to a motel miles away from the hospital intending to return as soon as I could. During a heart cath procedure early that morning, my dear friend went into cardiac arrest and died. I was in my motel room in bed, but I am sure I was awake. I heard her gently call my name. I thought I was imagining or hallucinating after spending the night in this high stress situation where nothing was going right. I looked at my watch after I heard her say my name. I had my eyes closed when it happened, but I am sure I was awake because I was so wired up. It sounded like her voice came from above me and to my right. A little later, I got a call from her sister telling me she had died. I totally lost it. I know what happened, but cannot explain it or prove it happened. I have never had a similar experience, and I was a Hospice volunteer for 10 years and have seen some heavy duty stuff. This experience…this one second connection, has totally blown me away. I am and continue to be in deep grief, but I now feel my friend is gone. I have been told this was a gift from her or from God, and I believe it was, but it has also totally blown me away. I do not understand how this could happen.